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When Luca used “gay” as an insult, I’d challenge him. Do you know that you’re insulting our moms when you say that?!” Avie, on the other hand, would mumble, “He doesn’t mean anything by it.” Avie seemed interested in offering a more traditional view of relationships than the egalitarian foundation on which we based our lives.From the start, Avie was enthusiastic about getting to know my two sons.At 13, Luca was figuring out how to move from boy to man.

My job, as I saw it, was to maintain the integrity of our two-mom family, even if the second mom was no longer my wife.I told Avie that I needed him to learn as we moved forward together.I asked him specifically to stop using heterosexual relationships as a default.I wanted him to connect sex with love and be genuinely interested in both, maybe too much to expect from a 13-year-old boy.One day, I opened my computer to find it on a page that provided answers to questions about sex.